Will He Not Graciously Give Us All Things?

I’ll give you a bit more of an update today than I offered yesterday. First, let me say that I’ve finally been able to sleep, so thank you for the prayers offered specifically for that purpose.

You know that I was discharged yesterday and that I’m staying in a hotel with my parents. Although the doctors told me yesterday that it could be up to two weeks until I know something, I cannot explain to you how calm I feel. They told me that I will gain weight, develop acne, and feel lethargic on the steroids—almost a bad a prognosis as MS in my mind! And yet I can only say that feel blessed. I’m not faking or being strong—it’s honestly how I feel. I think back to the verse in Romans 15 that says, “For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” It’s not a giddy or a heady hope, but it’s a sober and steady one that just spills out through the pages of the Bible and runs all through my life now. I’ve never felt so physically tired and weak in my life, and yet I’ve never been stronger.

Today has been the hardest day thus far, both physically and emotionally. Physically, I’m struggling with nausea and perpetual headaches in addition to the muscle pain and weakness. Emotionally, I don’t have to tell you guys that it’s tough to go from running 15-20 mi/week and managing a busy life solo to being unable to drive or even to get from Point A to Point B without excruciating pain and utter exhaustion. It is scary not to know how much of the pain and weakness is the temporary result of trauma and adjustment and how much may be a “new normal.” I am just fighting to remember—as I struggle not to demand what I don’t have—that “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”

Your prayers are more comfort to me than you will ever know. I feel much too weak today to fight for myself, so I will let you intercede.Attached is a picture that my friend Paul took tonight. It’s no glamour shot, but perhaps it will give you guys some comfort. Oh, and for my friends at GNP, these are the flowers that you sent! My hotel room looks like a garden!