Reluctantly Finite

Some great insights here about using and refusing to use our gifts:

“Our resentment [toward God] often masquerades as modesty. What appears to be humility is often actually risk-aversion rooted in shame. I won’t take the risk of using my gifts because I am ashamed of the ‘real’ me—with all of my God-given limits—and there is a strong likelihood that those limits will be revealed if I go public. But to be ashamed of the real me is to be angry at God for the way he made me.”

. . .

"It has taken me a long time to understand that behind my dread-saturated ‘modesty’ was something deeper than a tenth-grade trauma. It was a form of self-serving protectionism, which was itself an expression of an ungrateful heart. Speaking was not, for me, the occasion to love people to the best of my God-given ability; nor was it the occasion to offer up gratefully to my Creator and Redeemer the fullest expression of the talents he had given to me. Speaking, rather, was simply (or largely) about me—about me either looking good or avoiding embarrassment. If I was reasonably sure I could get by without looking like an idiot, then I would take the gig. Otherwise I often would not. I had to be the best, and if I could not be the best—or at least look like the best—then I would keep my gifts to myself."

A Journey Worth Taking: Finding Your Purpose in This World by Charles Drew