An Overdue Update

I remember my first big interview in DC. After months of first wooing and then being courted by the company, I flew in for a full day’s worth of interviews. This wasn’t just any company, though; this was the organization I’d been hoping to work with for four years. So I would have gladly filed my graduate degree to be a file clerk. But as my time on site drew to a close, an interviewer said something to me that I was too naive to appreciate at the time. Actually, it’s not terribly precise to say that I didn’t appreciate her statement; in truth, I was obstinate in my disagreement with it, as those with a freshly minted degree are apt to be.

“Michele, loving a company is not enough for the average person. Most people have to love the work they are doing in order to be really satisfied with the arrangement. I’m not sure you would love being an executive assistant.” I assured her that the job suited me perfectly and that I would thrive. But she knew better, and I didn’t get the job.

Many of you know that I am leaving Crossway soon. Some days, the reality is more bitter than sweet, since I love the company and support its mission with my whole heart. But I’ve come to appreciate the wisdom of the interviewer in DC; my love for Crossway has not, on a daily basis, translated into vocational satisfaction. After nearly a year of praying that the Lord would grant me contentment in my work, I finally began to consider that the stirrings in my heart might be promptings of the Spirit instead of sinful discontent.

The work of publicity has always been a tenuous fit for my personality, which is naturally introverted. I thought I could make it work because I love people and content and am generally adept with each. I tried to use those strengths as a springboard to somehow get me past my weaknesses. But I continued to fall short of my own expectations and to carry with me the uneasy sense that my day-to-day tasks should come more naturally to me than they did.

So when it came time for employee reviews this year, I shared my own observations about my weaknesses in relation to the role and made some recommendations—including internal relocation for me. Publishing is a good place for one who loves to write and is generally gifted in the area of interpersonal communication, so I was initially hopeful that I could remain at Crossway. But the growth area for the company is really in sales and marketing at present, so we came to realize that I would have to look elsewhere.



For the past four months, all of my so-called free time has been consumed with job searching. I’ve been applying and interviewing broadly, and I have been deeply encouraged by the responses and even job offers from business associates. But as my time here draws to a close, the next step is not yet apparent. In light of the uncertainty, I find it calming and quieting for my soul to remember the good purposes of the Lord in bringing me to Wheaton.

Personally and professionally, my work at Crossway has put me in contact with remarkable, godly individuals who have shaped me in critical ways. In fact, I found and joined a church full of such folks through my Crossway connections. I have discovered at Sovereign Grace Church a community that is unlike any other I’ve known. In the past three years, I have learned more about who God is than I did in the previous 27 combined; I have truly tasted and seen that the Lord is good. He has used this job at Crossway to get me where he wanted me, and remembering this fills my heart with gratitude and hope.

God’s hand has been so evident in this process that even when I blackly refuse to trust, I cannot wholly doubt. I know that he is in this—not just that he is infusing what is happening with meaning and purpose—but that he is moving the events himself. In light of my own weakness and confusion, what else but this truth can put my fears to rest? I look to verses like Psalm 4:8, which says, “In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” I read and remember my responsibility to lie down in faith and God’s promise to provide sleep for me, his beloved. Likewise, I do the hard work of researching, pursuing, and interviewing, and I trust that God provides the job. For he knows what I need, and he delights to give good gifts to his children.

Many of you have been writing and asking for updates, and I often issue a hurried and vague response, thinking that I’ll respond more gracefully when I have news to convey. But God’s work is accomplished both in the granting and in the temporary withholding. I’ve been thinking of Hebrews 11 and how the saints mentioned were commended for their faith in spite of the fact that they did not receive what was promised to them. I’m not saying that God has promised me a lucrative job that suits me perfectly, but I am remembering that he has promised to meet all my needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. And this prompts me to testify to God’s faithfulness and my confidence in him now, before I receive what I’ve asked from his hand. For without faith it is impossible to please God.

So I just want to let you know that I am still working and resting and waiting and believing. That may not sound like big news, but it is the work that the Lord has given me for today, and I plan to do it with all of my heart. SDG!

P.S. After I posted this, I spent a large part of my day transferring digital pictures from one computer to another. Sad but true! I found these photos and couldn't resist posting them. The first one, in the black suit, was taken just before I flew to DC for the interview I recounted above. Don't I look all nice and shiny and...green...in my very first suit? The second photo was taken recently as I prepared to fly to California for an interview. Don't the pictures say it all?