Giving Thanks When I Don't Feel Thankful

I met with my pastor and several other leaders at church this morning to pray for my health. Over the past two to three weeks, an alarming number of new symptoms have manifested themselves in my body--each one bringing with it new or increased temptations to anger, anxiety, fear, and self-pity. My specific requests were for bodily healing and for endurance, faith, and hope throughout this trial. We prayed for my body in accordance with James 5, and we prayed for my heart in accordance with Colossians 3.

I have been challenged several times in recent weeks to consciously practice gratitude. Gratitude is not my natural posture; my natural posture is a bit defensive and overwhelmingly cynical. My natural posture is that of a natural man. But that man, according to Gal. 2:20, has been crucified with Christ and no longer lives. If this cynical and defensive self has been crucified, then it's time he started acting like a dead man. The call to thanksgiving is not just for those who feel like giving thanks.

Two weeks ago, I received divine provision for my housing needs. The provision didn't come the way I'd expected or hoped; it came in a way that humbled me and called me to perseverance. Walk with me all the way back to the wilderness. Deuteronomy 8:2-4 says:

And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years.

In A Hunger for God, John Piper reflects on this passage:

"Notice carefully. Now he is saying that the giving of manna is the test. Not the withholding of food, but the giving of food--to teach them that man does not live by bread alone. He gave them manna, an utterly unheard-of food falling from heaven. Why? So that they would learn, Moses says, to live on everything that comes from the mouth of God. Now how is that? How does the giving of miraculous manna teach that? Because manna is one of the incredible ways God can, with a mere word, meet your needs when all else looks hopeless. So Moses' point is that we must learn to depend on God and not ourselves. We must trust him for every utterly unexpected blessing that is commanded for us from the mouth of God."

This provision itself is one way that God is teaching me that every thing I have comes from Him. God has been faithful to provide for my needs; the manna continues to come in different areas of my life. As I eat this strange bread, I must fight against self-pity and cynicism. I must fight for joy and for gratitude. For this reason, I intend to begin posting brief "bursts" of thanksgiving here. I have tried, in less structured ways, to cultivate a heart of gratitude. But my efforts have been anemic, at best. It is my hope that this blog will help to hold me accountable in this discipline of gratitude and that the Lord will change the orientation of my heart.

I will give thanks until I feel thankful. I will give thanks in faith that God will lift my eyes to behold his glory. "Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble" (from Psalm 107).